Morning Musings ~ Letting go

Lakshmi fondly speaks of one of our INK Fellow’s Sandya Goli, and her lifelong dream to become a Woman Grand Chess Master.

INK Fellow Sandya Goli is about a year and a half away to become a Woman Chess Grand Master (WGM) despite all odds.  When she left for one of her tournaments recently, it was a hurried trip. I was worried about how she would manage all on her own and was losing sleep over all the loose ends.

That’s when I remembered being 1000ft off the ground on a rock in Oregon, ready to rappel down and being paralysed with fear. My climbing partner Ned Thanhauser instructed me,“Take your feet off the ground. Else, we will be here forever!”

With every nerve in my body negating the command, I took my feet off and rappelled down the rock.  To this day, Ned’s words ring in my ears every time I am afraid to move forward.  He held the rope, safely belaying me, ready to tighten the rope if I yelled “falling” and yet he made me take my feet off the ground. After that, I went on a few more rock climbs with others and did not need Ned to nudge me each time.

Sandya at INK2016
Sandya at INK2016

I realised that I need not worry about Sandya – We arranged a grant for her, put her on a flight and let her fly alone in her adventure. Some things worked and some did not, but she managed on her own and came back home safe.  I guess that this is what we need to do with our kids.  When they first go on their own, they get a bit intimidated and look to us for help and our tendency is to be there for them.  But, we need to let them fall and learn.  Each time they get away, they will learn how to deal with problems a little better and they will need us less and less.  The thought of not being needed is terrifying but the thought of them depending on us forever is truly detrimental.  A final thing that I learnt through my own experience is that, no matter how far we fly, we always come back if the bond is strong to begin with.  So, we need not worry too much about letting them go when a true bond exists.

It’s wonderful to see Sandya have her falls and fly on her own.  We will keep doing our work to support her from behind the scenes but the gloom or glory is all her own!

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